


Wide-Eyed, Both in Silence (Like We're in a Crime Scene)

by arctichalsey



Series: Just a Young Heart, Confusing My Mind [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angry Calum, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Insecure Michael, M/M, Mean Luke, Protective Calum, SERIOUSLY NOT EVEN JOKING, Sad Michael, forgot to say anywhere i took these titles from "candles" by daughter, guilty Luke, michael's point of view was part 1 so i decided to do luke's as well, peace maker Ashton tbh, read part 1, switching up the "who's mean" dynamic, think of "we hated each other" era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 17:11:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7692745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arctichalsey/pseuds/arctichalsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yep! Bring your guitar, you'll really need it," Calum still had that full-face smile stretched across his lips, "I really think this band could work out, y'know? You, me, and Mikey."</p><p>Luke's stomach turned over. Friend jealous wasn't something he was familiar with, and it fucking sucked. </p><p>"Yeah," Luke said through a tight-lipped smile, "me too."</p><p>(or; Luke's point of view to 'Have Little Voice to Speak With (A Mind of Thoughts and Secrecy)')</p><p>(aka; Luke is jealous and he somehow turns it into hate)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wide-Eyed, Both in Silence (Like We're in a Crime Scene)

**Author's Note:**

> READ PART 1 READ PART 1 READ PART 1 READ PART 1
> 
> ALSO PART 2 IF YOU WANT OR READ PART 2 AFTER THIS
> 
> BUT REALLY READ PART 1
> 
> DID I ALREADY SAY READ PART 1
> 
> comments and kudos really appreciated, as well as criticism and feedback! (^:

"Michael's really nice, I swear," Calum spoke animatedly, hands flying up and through the air in front of Luke's face as both boys finished their cool-down stretches post-footy, Calum doing less for his own body with how little he used his hands. "He's got a ... personality. Really opinionated, not really quiet at _all,_ but he's nice."

Luke felt queasy. Calum was the first friend he'd really felt like he _clicked_ with, and hearing all of these _good_ things about Michael Clifford was making him anxious. He'd seen the boy around, he was quiet to everyone but Calum, where he never bothered to hide his smiles or his laughter. On a more personal level, Luke absolutely envied the older boy for having someone like Calum.

"...really good at guitar, he got down all of the solos in the entire _American Idiot_ album in less than a half hour, all by _himself._ He's also really got a thing for this one blue hoodie he always wears, so don't take it, or he might actually murder you," Calum was only half-joking, Luke could tell, because he always saw Michael wearing the same navy sweater that hung off of him loosely but seemed comfortable enough. 

Luke realised he _noticed_ Michael more than was probably normal.

And, _damn,_ was Luke jealous.

"So Saturday, right?" Luke confirmed quietly, when their coach blew the whistle and signalled for them to get off the field. Calum nodded with a large grin, slapping Luke so hard on the back the shorter boy was knocked forward. He probably would've fallen if it weren't for his cleats, which would've been the worst, because he had _just_ gotten Calum to think he was cool, and he could've just screwed it up by _tripping._

"Yep! Bring your guitar, you'll really need it," Calum still had that full-face smile stretched across his lips, "I really think this band could work out, y'know? You, me, and Mikey."

Luke's stomach turned over. Friend jealous wasn't something he was familiar with, and it fucking _sucked._

"Yeah," Luke said through a tight-lipped smile, "me too."

 

* * *

 

"Hi, Luke!"

The first thing Luke registered was how _happy_ Michael seemed to meet him. The younger boy was immediately put off by this, because it didn't seem like Michael at all. _Michael_ was loud cussing and shredding guitar solos. _Michael_ was that same blue hoodie and boisterous laughter that echoed in a room for hours. Overly enthusiastic at someone like _Luke_ wasn't _Michael._

Calum wasn't in the room. Good. Because Luke wouldn't have the heart to shut Michael out if he were.

"Yeah," Luke muttered, the smile he had put on for Calum and Calum's mom fading considerably because Michael was doing _nothing,_ yet he'd psyched himself into just feeling _annoyed_ already.

Luke made sure to avoid sitting on the couch next to Michael, opting for the ground farthest from the boy, to which he saw Michael's shoulders deflate slightly but the older of the two said nothing about it. Luke unzipped the case and pulled out his well-used guitar, trying not to hitch it back into the case and then _run_ the three miles back to his house.

"You play much?" Michael still sounded _happy,_ and _fuck_ that was still so _annoying_ now, that Luke had made him out to be some big, bad ass kid that smoked, or something stupid, but he _wasn't,_ and the fact that there was no valid reason to _hate_ Michael _made_ him hate Michael.

So Luke scowled, glancing up quickly to meet Michael's dimmer-looking smile, before ducking back down to tune his guitar. "Obviously?"

He could _tell_ the notes were off, they sounded like absolute shit and Luke was honestly at a loss of options because he'd ran out of battery on his tuner three weeks ago and his dumb ass hadn't gotten a new battery. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Um, your A," Michael piped up, a slight squeak to the end of his sentence. Luke glanced up again, watching as the older boy refused to meet his eyes and opted to wring his hands together instead, before dropping his red-looking hands back to his lap and swallowing. "It's ... it's a bit sharp."

Luke couldn't fight off the cold grin that made its way across his mouth. He felt like an _asshole,_ but he was just beginning to get so _annoyed_ at the fact that Michael wasn't angry. Michael wasn't being blunt, or even remotely mean or defensive, and Luke just found it _weird._

"You're right. Thanks, Micah."

Icing on the cake.

"It's..." he heard Michael's protest die off completely, and Luke was stuck halfway between being guilty and still God-awfully annoyed at the fact that Michael was _still_ letting Luke do this. Luke was being cruel and Michael remained soft, gentle, and just completely _nice._

"Um, the, uh, the way your strings, kinda, curl out, over the head part," Michael stammered. Luke nearly laughed at how nervous he was, would've picked fun at him if he weren't nervous because of Luke himself. "I can ... I can show you, uh, how to string your guitar without those, um, sticking out."  

Yes, Luke would've liked to know. The strings were annoying as fuck, and Luke distantly remembered Calum spilling some shit about Michael along the lines of the older boy wanting everything to be _perfect,_ and how anxious he got when it wasn't. 

So, without looking up, and plucking a string so hard it snapped back and vibrated against the wood, Luke said, "I'd rather not, thank you."

Luke saw Michael's resolve crumple for half a second, his jaw going slack as he seemed to lose all of his enthusiasm completely, shoulders slumping and Luke nearly felt bad.

"Here, Mikey. Ooh, yikes, Luke, your strings are sticking out pretty bad." Calum was back, Luke could've kissed the boy with how happy he was as he watched the brunette hand Michael his guitar. "I can restring it right now if you want?"  

"Really? Thank god, I've been wanting to for _months_ , but no one's offered or shown me."  Luke made a point to stretch lips wide and sweet over his teeth, beaming at Calum like he had just offered him a million dollars, or something. Out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw Michael swallow and look away, before Calum grabbed his guitar to unrig it.

Luke kept his eyes trained on Calum's hands but didn't miss the way the boy glared over at Michael and shook his head slightly. He nearly felt bad, but the jealousy rubbed raw in his throat when he heard Michael tune his guitar completely by ear, and _perfectly._

Luke just didn't see a reason to feel guilty.

 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry that Michael's being a dick, really, he's never like this."

"It's fine, I guess I just annoy him."

"Everything seems to, now. Just ignore him."

 

* * *

 

"Shit," Michael mumbled, loud enough that Luke's attention was pulled to him immediately. Luke's lips curled into a sneer over his worn school copy of _East of Eden,_ staring down the dirty blonde boy as he rubbed his palm on his thigh, capping his highlighter. 

"Ooh, wasn't aware we were talking about your guitar playing," Luke jeered, shooting the older boy down before Calum and Ashton could get back from doing fuck-whatever in the kitchen. Michael glanced up, somehow still surprised after four months of Luke pulling this shit on him. "Or maybe it was your singing? Or just you, in general."  

"Y'know, Hemmings, for someone who's so nice in front of Calum and Ashton, you're a fucking prick when they're not around,"  Michael's voice was low, barely controlled, like usual. The older boy had dropped the attempts at being nice after about three weeks and resorted to biting back as hard as he could. Which wasn't hard enough, in Luke's opinion, but it was okay because now the younger boy really _did_ have a reason to hate him.

Luke laughed, loud and brash, making sure it was as _in Michael's face_ as possible, "M'not a prick, I'm just honest," he made sure to keep that same shit-eating grin on his face, the cold one he only wore around Michael and was reserved for _Michael_ only. It was one he wore to _tear_ the older boy to _shreds._

"Well-" Michael began, but Luke beat him to the next quip he'd had shoved in the back of his mind all week.

"Don't get why you're still in the band," Luke shrugged a shoulder and didn't miss the way Michael tensed, hands suddenly gripping his pen and book tighter, before he dropped them and Luke knew he was about to start to wring his hands, a nervous tick he had and Luke saw that he did it a _lot_ around Luke.

"Don't get why you are, either," Michael's voice ended on a slight squeak and Luke felt sick satisfaction settle in his stomach as he watched the older boy lock his shoulders up and twist his hands together. 

" _Obviously_ ," Luke sneered, "I'm the guitarist. We've got a drummer, and a bassist, too. Hell, us three can sing," he made a point to laugh as _harshly_ and _humourlessly_ as he could, watching as the older boy clasped his hands together tighter and _shake_ in his seat. "What're you? The pity member?"  

"I can play guitar better than you."  It was weak on Michael's end, even Luke knew. The boy was running out of things to throw back.

"Hardly. Besides, who's written most of our songs and even the guitar _riffs_ , since you're so concerned with being better than me?" Luke knew the words were cold, because they _always_ were, but he wasn't expecting the loud sob that followed immediately after.

The blonde was alarmed, eyes wide in half-terror and half-guilt as Michael's jaw slackened and he just looked so _tired,_ so _insecure,_ and so _done._ Luke's stomach twisted, and, this time, it _wasn't_ because he felt like he had the upper hand.

He felt like a _bully._

Luke was frozen in place as he watched Michael sob out another cry, wiping at his streaming eyes with his sleeves, going for broke because he didn't know _what_ to do. He's never made Michael _cry,_ he's never taken it this _far._

"Mikey?" Calum was there, suddenly, Luke wasn't paying attention to anything but the older boy who just looked so small and lost at the moment and it was _all Luke's fault._ The youngest nearly flinched away as he watched Michael shy away from _Calum's_ hand.

What had he _done?_

"I'm ... I'm sorry," Michael was messily and hurriedly shoving his books and pens into his back pack, and Luke _knew_ how much fucking damage he'd done because Michael _hated_ disorder. He wore mismatched clothes and his hair was messy, but anyone who knew him knew that he nearly went damn _insane_ when something wasn't _perfect._ "Luke's right. I'm really, um, really not good enough to be in the band. I'll uh, I'll just, leave you guys to it. I'm ... I'm out. Don't wanna hold you back."

Luke's stomach twisted _harder_ when he realised Michael was being driven insane over the fact that _he_ wasn't _perfect._

Before Calum could stop him, Michael was rushing out the door, nearly tripping out as he closed it shut softly, knowing it annoyed Ashton when it was slammed. The boy was still so _aware_ and caring, even when he was torn down.

Luke couldn't even fucking _speak,_ couldn't _move,_ he didn't know what to do because he had _done_ it. He tore Michael apart, he ripped him open and laid out his insecurities and took it _too far_ and he-

"What the fuck did he mean _Luke's right?!"_ Calum turned around menacingly. The boy wasn't tall, and was more bones than muscle (Luke was an inch taller and could _almost_ beat him in an arm wrestle match), but Luke knew that, where Michael was concerned, Calum could take down fucking _buildings,_ or something of the sort.

"I - I'm -"

"You piece of _shit!"_ The brunette exploded, launching himself at the youngest and grabbing his shirt collar, rage in his eyes and Luke was in so much shock he let himself be slammed into the couch he was leaning on. Calum pushed a knee into Luke's thigh, and the blonde winced. "It was always you, wasn't it? _Always_ you! You fucking _prick,_ I should _kill_ you-"

"Calum, Cal - _fuck,_ dude, calm down!" Ashton was pulling the one-hundred-and-thirty pounds of _murder_ off of Luke, holding his arms down and Luke had never been so happy to have Ashton play a mediator role. "Okay, Jesus Christ, let's _talk it out_ without breaking Luke's fucking face, yeah?"

"He _deserves_ it," Calum spat, and Luke honestly couldn't agree more. "You sneaky little _bitch,_ I swear I'll fucking break your -"

 _"Calum!"_ Ashton hissed, shaking the boy and Calum broke off, glancing up before yanking his arms from Ashton's grasp, turning around to dig the heels of his hands into his eyes and take a few deep breaths, shaky and gradually becoming more controlled as he tried to recollect himself.

"Okay, yeah, fucking _fine,_ we'll talk it out," the brunette gritted out through clenched teeth, turning back around. His cheeks were flushed crimson and his jaw was set tight. Luke cowered against the couch, glancing over at Ashton to make sure he was ready to hold Calum back in case anything were to happen.

The oldest narrowed his eyes. "Wanna tell me what happened, Luke?"

The tone of his voice told Luke he knew _exactly_ what had happened.

"I didn't - I _mean,_ I did, but - I never thought -" Luke stammered, and Calum held up a hand, looking away for half a second before dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling with hard eyes. He turned the glare to Luke nearly half a minute later.

The silence was deafening.

"Michael doesn't think he's good enough," Calum began, and Ashton glanced with nervous eyes but kept his mouth shut. Luke's own eyes stayed wide and guilty. "He ... he doesn't like, um, looking in the mirror. He doesn't like, think he's _ugly,_ or anything, it's just," Calum stammered, sounding like he had the _perfect_ words but it would just be _too much_ for their current situation. "He works himself down. He does everything a thousand times and, even when it's perfect, it's not good enough, not for him, because he doesn't think he's good enough," he sighed heavily through his nose.

Ashton grabbed Calum's forearm, squeezing it gently. "Luke," he began, quiet and sounding more disappointed than angry, which was somehow _worse._ "What did you do?"

Luke swallowed, the words thick with guilt in his throat and refusing to come out properly. "I - I was so stupid, I didn't think - I was just so _jealous,"_ he admitted, finally looking down and closing his eyes because he could feel them filling with tears as the weight and damage of what he did finally settled on him, "I didn't mean to - I didn't mean to really _hurt_ him."

"Well, you did," Calum's voice sounded thick, now, and Luke looked up to see the older boy wiping away tears that were rapidly dripping down his reddened cheeks. "You did, and you _will_ fucking fix this. You _will_ fix him, because me telling him he's _good enough_ isn't ... it isn't good enough anymore."

 

* * *

 

Luke felt sick to his stomach, and his head hurt. His cheek was pressed against Michael's bedroom door; he'd been pleading for nearly ten minutes for the older boy to just _open_ the door, so Luke could just _apologise,_ because he felt so damn guilty and _horrible_ over what he'd done.

"Michael, just open the door."  

"Shut the fuck up."

Okay, he deserved that.

"Please, I just, I want to apologise," Luke swore he was near crying because he couldn't deal with the weight of how he treated Michael on his shoulders. 

"For what? Saying the truth? You _won_ , Luke, you wanted the band, you got the fucking band. And the band sure as hell does not need me."  Michael's voice took on a strange edge towards the end of his small rant, and Luke's stomach twisted harder and he could feel his heart leap up to his throat because he wouldn't be able to _handle_ seeing Michael cry again.

"Michael, it wasn't the truth, okay?" Luke wiped at his damp eyes, keeping his voice loud and even so Michael wouldn't know how _weak_ and _truthful_ he was about to be. "I, I was just jealous. I wanted to be the good guitarist with the cool voice and hair and it was hard, okay? It was hard to be around you and not be jealous."  

After a beat of silence, the door opened, and there stood Michael, somehow keeping up the entire ethereal glow around himself with red rimmed eyes and a tight jaw. "You ... don't need to _lie_ , just to make me feel better."

"For gods sake, Michael, I'm not lying!" Luke's throat tightened and he forced his next sentence out with teary eyes and a heavy heart, "I think you're talented. I think you can play guitar better than anyone I've heard and I think you can sing the best in the band and I think your hair is cool and I like your band shirts and I'm just really sorry!" He made a dumb squeaking noise at the end of his _wall_ of talking but he didn't care because Michael needed to know the _truth._

The older boy dropped eye contact, and Luke's stomach dropped in the same instant. "I just don't _get it,_ Luke, so forgive me for being a bit skeptical," Michael snorted softly, his voice dripping in sarcasm, "I was jealous for months because Calum liked you so much more than me, but I didn't channel it into some fucked up, hate fueled-"

Luke scoffed, but, for the first time, he didn't mean it to be _insulting_ or _demeaning,_ he just couldn't believe what the _fuck_ was coming out of Michael's mouth. "Cal never _liked_ me more than _you._ Neither does Ashton, really, Michael, I wasn't kidding," he looked down, focusing hard on the scuffs of his ratty old Converse. "You're ... you're _cool._ And that's why I hated you, and that's why I was such an utter _scum bag_ and that's why I'm apologising and really hoping you forgive me and we can become friends."

He couldn't help it, he was squeaking again because his stomach was curling and his heart was fucking _flipping_ in his chest and he was just so _nervous,_ so ready for Michael to bid him off, kick him out and never look his way again.  

"I'm ..." Michael breathed out through his teeth, the sound hissing and just leaving Luke in more and more anticipation for the absolute _worse_ to come. "Okay."

Luke's eyes shot up, and he stared wide-eyed at the boy in utter surprise at his agreement. "Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Whatever, sure, I'm just - it'll take me a while, I guess, to see you as a friend, but yeah. I forgive you."  

Luke couldn't help it, he was starting to smile like an _idiot_ because he couldn't _believe it,_ and he wasn't ready to be so _overwhelmed_ by the happiness and gratitude flowing through him in that moment. Michael still look uneasy, but he wasn't wringing his hands, and his eyes weren't shielded and he wasn't _guarding_ himself anymore.  "Great! Yeah! Uh, um, yeah, good, that's-"

"Shut up, Luke," Michael cut him off with a short laugh, a real one Luke hadn't heard in _forever,_ and couldn't help but to laugh in response. 

Friends. That sounded good.

**Author's Note:**

> *furiously copy-pastes dialogue* fucking ace
> 
> pls tell me this wasn't trash and i'm sorry for being a month late wHOops


End file.
